Friday, May 13, 2011

How to Drive In Los Angeles - Preface and Chapter 1

Preface - 
Everyone in Los Angeles drives like shit. This is the book that they all read prior to moving here. It explains why they drive like shit while giving the rest of us a point of reference for different maneuvers we can expect to encounter on the roads. 

Chapter 1 Speed -
Now each road has a sign posted on it with some numbers. These are called speed limits. The thing with these is, they’re set up by some douche bag who has never driven a day in his life anywhere and is also a giant bleeding vagina so just forget them. They might as well be post it notes your mom left you saying stupid shit like, “Take out the trash,” or, “make sure you turn out the light when you’re done in the restroom, but leave the fan on,” so you can just ignore them. Actually, don’t ignore them, fuck. Double it. Unless you’re in front of a long line of cars, then aim for 2/3, but if you’re in the back double it. And for every mile per hour underneath you’re stuck traveling you should tap your horn once the second every light turns green.

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