About a year ago I was trying to get rep for a spec pilot I wrote. Queries went out and in them I called the script "funny as shit." One agent said he would read it on the condition that it was, indeed, funny as shit. I told him that it was, but to be safe he should eat it with an all you can eat buffet of Indian food. I sent him the script and didn't hear from him for months, which speaks volumes, of course. So I sent him the below email. I just found it now while searching my email box for "pants shitting," which I wont endeavor to explain, and thought it warranted a post for posterity.
"My assistant told me this morning you never invoiced us to have your trousers dry cleaned. You must have an iron stomach as you're the first. Though we did originally suspect my grandfather was just blaming my script because it's what he was holding. This confirms it.
Thank you for your consideration!
P.S. I don't have an assistant. Or a grandfather. They're both dead. Probably."