Friday, June 10, 2011

A Letter I sent to philips ("electronics")

Below is my response to an email I received from philips and below is the email they sent me. happy Friday. Also it may be quite clear that there are some words in yellow. I don't know how to use spell check on blogger so as a result, some things are spelled wrong and in yellow and i really don't want to go through and fix each one by hand; would much rather type this long explanation.

Is this a fucking joke? I'm only asking because i have friends who are comedy writers who might come up with a scam like this knowing full well my history with the wonderful (sarcastic) philips (left lowercase on purpose) "corporation" (disrespect intended).

To catch you up: i had a problem, i called, emailed, filled out a couple of tickets on your simple (sarcastic) and easy to use (sarcastic again) website. I received a phone call asking questions. I answered these questions to the best of my ability and to the satisfaction of the asker. Then I got an email a week later asking for proof of purchase. This was sent in reply. A week later I received another email informing me my proof of purchase was invalid and to provide another method of proof that i had indeed purchased this equipment (the wonder of which is not lost on me. are there many service calls for stolen equipment?), and promptly sent all of the information i had regarding the purchase including the purchase confirmation page, the receipt, a packing list, shipping confirmation and even the first page of the owner’s manual (which, ironically, is where your warranty information is displayed). And then the trail went cold. Nobody ever came to fix my DVD player. Nobody called to schedule somebody to come and fix my DVD player. Nobody even called and apologized for forgetting about a customer. Weeks later I followed up, replying to the old emails to inquire about my file or ticket or claim of whatever you dickholes call it when your plastic dogshit doesn't operate like the DVD player i spent money on and haven't heard until this lovely email below which brings me back to my original question: is this a fucking joke?

Surely a company that could not and would not address a problem that occurred out of the box wouldn't ignore my warranty claim for nine months and then try and rape me out of more money. Surely I'm on a list somewhere because this isn't the first angry email I've sent you goddamn sodomites, unless nobody reads them. In which case: fuck off. All of you. Don’t ever send me anything again. I don't even own your goddamn DVD player anymore. I gave it to my retarded cousin so he had somewhere to smear peanut butter besides all of the functioning Sony products in his house.

Now i will condescendingly go through your email and point out all of the things that are wrong and should be corrected for future distribution to former customers. I have to be condescending because in light of the above events, i am convinced this company is run by lower level humans who can barely read or write or understand basic business principles. Ready lil guy? Here we go!

"Protect your investment" - wrong because your company does not honor warranties (no protection) and investments are supposed to appreciate (get worth more dollars) over time, not depreciate (get worth less dollars). a hyuck. Are we havin fun yet? A hyuck.

"Thanks to the generous warranty on your Philips Home Theater System you’ve never had to worry about unexpected repair bills" correct. I’ve never had to worry about repairs because you motherfuckers don't fix the broken shit you sell hard working Americans.

"Our extensive nationwide service network consists of factory trained technicians who are committed to keeping your product in good working order" but who for some reason don't. Nobody ever made an attempt to perform anything that could be considered service to my DVD player. shucks.

This email has more bullshit than the bible and is far less entertaining. I'm done wasting my time on you people. It is as simple as this: you don't care about your customers. Which would be mitigated by quality products or warranties that were honored, but unfortunately that is not the case. I wish you nothing but luck with your lil company. Surely your days are numbered if this is your business model.

And by luck i mean herpes.


Gregory "disgruntled ex-customer" Boytos

On Fri, Jun 10, 2011 at 8:54 AM, Philips Corporation <> wrote:

Protect your investment!   

Dear Gregory Boytos,

Thanks to the generous warranty on your Philips Home Theater System you’ve never had to worry about unexpected repair bills. Why start now? Maximize the life of your product by purchasing a Philips Extended Service Plan. It’s simple! Just click on View Offers Now and enter your invitation number to select your extended coverage term.

Our extensive nationwide service network consists of factory trained technicians who are committed to keeping your product in good working order. After all, no one knows more about your Home Theater System than we do!

Enjoy peace of mind with these valuable benefits:

  • One Low, Up-Front Price

  • No Deductible or Hidden Charges

  • Replacement Coverage1

  • Nationwide Service Network

  • Factory Trained Technicians

    Be sure to extend the protection on your Philips Home Theater System with a Philips Extended Service Plan. Hurry! Offer ends July 4, 2011.


    Maria Perez
    Vice President, Aftermarket

  • Your Invitation Number:

    Model Number:

    Two Ways to Sign up:

    Visit us online at:

    Call us a

    Total Product Protection:

  • Parts and Labor Coverage

  • Factory Trained Technicians

  • No Deductible

  • 1

  • 1 Please refer to our Terms & Conditions for complete details.

    To ensure delivery to your inbox, please add to your address book.

    Please do not reply to this email. This is an unmonitored address, and replies to this email cannot be responded to or read. If you have any questions or comments, please contact us at

    Follow this link to unsubscribe to future email communications about this product. You may also send us correspondence via postal mail to Philips Extended Service Plans, P.O. Box 32009, Louisville, KY 40232-2009.

    Philips Extended Service Plans are offered and sold by Service Net Retail Solutions LLC, PO Box 928, Jeffersonville, IN 47131.


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