ICYMI (CBS drama comedy ABC drama comedy Last year's ABC CBS & NBC)
CW
“Blink” – if there’s one thing young people love it’s pop
punk. So if you could somehow make a show about a pop-punk band without all the
fucks that come with pop-punk you’d have BLINK. It’s BLINK 182 without all the
fucks AND with younger, hotter, blacker haired actors playing the band as
younger Tom Delonge, Mark Hoppus and Travis Thedrummer. This is super
interesting to me as I used to be young and like looking at young people
because I remember being young and wish I still was but also I’m ok not being young
because I was fat then.
“Company Clown” – I think this is a huge score for the CW.
Terry Tate: Office Linebacker was one of the better sketchmercials of all time
and the fact that NOBODY jumped on it to develop it to a series is an
abomination on the entire industry of entertainment. But now that I’ve heard
these execs talk about company clown I’ve realized that perfection takes time
and it clearly took ten full years to adapt that sketchmercial to a young,
supple audience like the CW and what do young people like the most? Clowns!
Who’s dream job is an office job that is boring and doesn’t pay that great?
NOBODY’S! Nobody wants to watch their potential future as being boring or
potentially soul-crushing BUT if there was only a show about a possible future
where a company hires a clown to walk around and clown around with the
employees, then there would still be hope. This is that show. It will give you
hope.
“The 100” – Roger Maris had 61, McGwire had 70 and Bonds had
73. This show is a future baseball drama about the 4-way battle for 100 in
everyone’s dream world where baseball season is 11 months long and steroids are
legal /encouraged in order for baseball to maintain sports marketshare in light
of truly gnarly sports like MMA and Waterboarding. Sounds dope, right? Well I
haven’t even gotten to the hook. Here is the hook. Hook: baseball is played by
young hot women because all the men went to go to play waterboarding and MMA.
So it’s like a league of their own but with roids and smaller fields. Tom Hanks
is producing / reprising his role as “pukey drunk coach.”
“The Originals” – finally! I’ve been waiting for a hipster
drama starring really good looking young people since before it was cool. I
hope lauren Conrad can be in this one as the gross older mom (what is she, like
30? YUCK!). this show is obviously the story of the earliest adapters in a town
of hip and young and cool and wealthy kids who all have like, hot parents who
are not old because old people are gross! So basically this show will tell us
what’s cool to do and wear and think because we’ll want to be cool like the
cool kids that were the original cool kids. Cool.
“Oxygen” – another obvious example of brand fusion! Oxygen
(the cable network) is going to produce a 1 hour show to get young, hot girls
who watch the CW to get ready to be old and gross and watch Oxygen by basically
showing them stuff like how to be a lady and what schools are the best schools
to go to if you want to be a real housewife and kegel exercises and what
plastic surgeries are the best and also how to negotiate the terms of your own
sex tape… basically everything you need to know to be a successful woman
without all of that bullshit hard work and intelligence.
“Reign” – as a man named “greg” I’ve been waging a battle
against the Silent G for my entire life and this is one area where I will not
compromise. This show seems to deem some letters as superior to others and I
find that offensive and in 2013 I demand equality. 1/26 for all. down with
reign! I’d watch rain though. That sounds the same and is much less offensive
and who wouldn’t tune in once a week for video of a compelling thunderstorm? Network:
saved. You’re welcome CW.
“The Selection” – If road rules met hunger games BUT in a
democracy and ONLY with young attractive females and males this would be that
show. like america’s next top model but instead of us voting they’re competing
to the death in mental challenges not unlike the word/ground puzzle in Indiana
jones and the last crusade. There will be maths, literatures, and art histories
quizzes but they’re all confined to swimwear because rules are rules! And then
America votes based on who they like the best, not based on the premise of the
show – which is a total rip off of the voice which is called the voice but then
once they see the contestant they never vote for the adeles, only the whitneys.
The selection’s ad campaign: no fat chicks. Hashtag CW.
“The Tomorrow People” – I don’t know if I can tune in every
week for a show about a group of good looking young people who procrastinate
until it’s almost too late but then finish right on time and with surprisingly
decent results considering the lack of care they put into their project. Who am
I kidding? It’s got the 4 things I look for in EVERY tv show: Good Looking Young
People. I’ll tivo this one for sure. watch it when I have the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment